Reality Vs. Perception

Perception is generally defined as when you are effected personally or internally by something external. Which to me sounds like the description of most things that happen in a general day. Being effected by something that happens at work, or another driver on the road, even the rain. So what percentage of perception....really does constitute reality?

How often has someone said something to you that you know they didn't mean, or said something in such a way they obviously meant something different by it? If we were to stop perceiving (or analyzing) in those situations...would it remove the not-so-hidden thoughts or feelings behind it? Or would it simply cause them not to effect you and remain the property of the person thinking them?

If the latter is true...would that be enough to change your life? our society?....or would it merely pro-long the inevitable outburst from "the thinker".

Such a catch 22....i often see people who at least appear to have no great care about what others think of them, it's obvious in either how they dress, what they say, or how they simply pay no attention to the world around them as they go through life (think all those people in the grocery store who nearly or do run into you with their carts). Are those people actually happier? is there such a thing as blissful ignorance?

Bliss would certainly not describe the feeling of the person being hit by the cart...or having to stand behind the person in line who obviously got dressed in the dark....But if all those watchers stopped watching.....would all the thinkers stop thinking? and everyone just be honest?

Would honesty, and flat out straight forward "tell-me-how-it-is" really work? Would it make things better or worse?

Where would you be without little white lies? or a great big bucket of sugar coating?

Painful Joy

Sometimes it seems as though i feel things...in excess. It isn't hurt...it's pain, it isn't happy it's joyous.

But to feel such pain in a moment meant to be so joyous is....confusing to say the least. To be so stressed and feel suffocated with mediocrity in a position i also thrive in is....the very definition of frustration for me.

The harder i try the deeper i dig, and if i lay the shovel down....i immediately feel as though i've begun sinking, somehow loosing the very ground i was working so hard to break through. While both appear to continue moving me forward in my pursuit, neither seems to come with any certain satisfaction or exceptional reward.

It sometimes feels as though the best things that have happened in my life have been through luck or chance, and as though the things i truly strive towards always seem just out of reach. Does a watched pot truly never come to boil? Is the only way to achieve the perfect cup of tea to in fact ignore the process altogether until the finished product is in hand and ready for your enjoyment?

Yummy Yellow!!

So, noting the stress I've been under, in addition to the insomnia and semi-mood-numbness (followed by crying at a Folgers commercial) i've been experiencing some odd food cravings.

At first i though it was the usual "my body is lacking in protein/vitamin__/etc. (like the ham, mayo & peanut butter sandwich i enjoyed a few weeks ago) Then the past few nights i have noticed a trend...

Not necessarily the same foods...but the same COLOR foods!! Weird...who knew you could crave colors?

The particular color craving seems to be yellow. Night before last is was creamed corn (mixed with tuna of all things? actually quite yummy!) Last night it was straight up whole kernel corn (nearly wolfed it down right out of the can) followed by an entire can of yellow cling peaches.

Tonight it was scrambled eggs so full of american cheese that the milk content of the eggs (i always whip milk into my eggs) mellowed the cheese so it was one great big mass of yummy yellow fluff.

So....What exactly does this mean? Well according to ask.com (http://psychology.about.com/od/sensationandperception/a/color_yellow.htm)

The color yellow is Bright (duh!) often described as Cheery or Warm. However it is also so bright that it is considered "fatiguing to the eyes" and if used too much in background (on a wall, a paper or a computer) it can cause vision loss.

This wonderfully cheery color has also been found to cause frustration and anger in people, cause them to lose their temper, and even babies to be more upset and cry more (i.e. BAD nursery color!) However it also increases the metabolism?

So again, what does this mean? Apparently my subconscious has found a way to extend the confusing, stress inducing yet emotionally growth educing things going on in my life....to my plate.

Perhaps i can eat away the Cheery, Warm, Fatiguing, Frustrating, anger inducing portions of my life?....Or i just like corn.....

The Red Queen

~“A slow sort of country” said the Red Queen. “Now here, you see, it takes all the running you can do to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!”~ (From "Through the looking glass" by Lewis Carroll

That particular quote has certainly been running as fast as it can through my brain lately. The more i try to stand still and assess the world the around me, the more it seems to shift. And i appear to currently lack the energy and possibly even the ability to run fast enough to change anything, let alone keep things the same.

From one moment to the next, one phone call to the next, one email, one sigh, one breath to the next, it's as though each moment is of the utmost urgency, yet seemingly overwhelmed with a satirical sense of deja vu.

How much longer must this ride go on like this, before i can finally get off and throw up?